Where Can She Be?

This is how my three children and I stacked up in 1977. Note the bell-bottoms from top to bottom! 

Photo by

  
Tom Hager  

Written by 
LeRoy Walls 
CEO 

One morning back in the 1980’s, I was pleased to be at Woodpro in my normal Saturday routine, but mostly just glad to be out of the house. That morning had been "crazy!" Even with son, Tom, spending the weekend with a friend it had been worse than usual. Paula had fixed an early breakfast for daughters Lora, Sarah, six houseguests and me from a college choir. Then she rushed off to the hospital.

The college music group had performed the night before at our church. About the time the concert was getting over, a huge thunderstorm came through, and we were barely able to get up the dirt road to our house. Paula didn’t mind that the college kids kept us up late, but was a bit miffed and commented as she left for work about "their unappreciative attitude." I knew that put me squarely in the doghouse. I had been the one who offered to house them at our place.

While I hunkered down and began cleaning the kitchen, everyone else soon left, the six college kids off to meet the rest of their group, and Lora and Sarah off to a volleyball tournament. Lora our oldest child had just gotten her driver’s license. Her little blue Datsun was already worth the price, saving Paula and me lots of trips taking kids to and from their numerous activities. Paula is a registered nurse and at that time worked in the Intensive Care Unit at the county hospital. She loved her work, was quite good at it, and one of the hospital’s rising stars. The only problem with her job was her work schedule. The kids and I could never keep track of it. For awhile it had been a swing shift, which meant Paula was either working, sleeping or in her half-asleep - half awake "zombie" state. Her current 12-hour shift meant more days off work. That wasn’t always better. Sometimes she had to cover for others. On her days off she was literally worn out from working 36 hours in three days.

I stopped by the house at noon and fixed myself a peanut butter and honey sandwich, and, since the kids were all gone, I went back to work at Woodpro.

After several hours at Woodpro, I returned home hoping that Paula’s station wagon would be in the carport. It wasn’t. I wished I had asked what time she got off.

I found Lora’s note on the counter saying that Cabool was playing in the consolation bracket that night so she and Sarah wouldn’t be home until about 10:30 p.m.

I fed our dog and heated up a bowl of chili out of the can. Then, before bedtime, I settled in to reading some business and trade magazines and then a management book. I kept hoping to hear Paula’s car in the drive, but I fell asleep before it happened.

When I woke up on Sunday morning, and Paula still wasn’t beside me in bed, I knew something was definitely wrong. But I sure hated to admit it, even to myself.

The girls and I ate cereal for breakfast. I wasn’t a cook, but our kids had learned to cook enough to get by. Even Tom, our youngest, who was in junior high, could fix pop tarts, microwave burritos, and grill a cheese sandwich. I knew that the kids deserved and needed more of my time. Yet, they were actually doing just fine. Paula even with limited time was so completely supportive and in love with her children that they had plenty going for them.

When Lora asked, "Where’s Mom?" and I responded, "I guess she’s at work," the immediate response from both Lora and Sarah was, "What do you mean--I guess?" Now, I was really unsure of myself. I had hoped the girls knew Paula’s schedule and would enlighten me on Paula’s whereabouts.

While the girls were upstairs getting dressed for church, I went to the basement and telephoned the hospital asking for Paula. When she didn’t answer her page, the operator told me she didn’t think Paula was on duty. I heard it -- but I didn’t want to believe it.

During Sunday School and church worship services I fortunately didn’t have to tell any direct lies to questions about why Paula wasn’t there. I don’t think I could have admitted, "I haven’t seen her for a day and a half, and I don’t have a clue as to where she is!"

After church the girls went home with friends, and since Paula still hadn’t appeared, I was alone with my thoughts and fears. "Maybe Paula was so fed up with me, or our crazy life, that she had left me." I tried to think of a confident, "No way!" reply, but instead, "Maybe" crept in.

Time passed very slowly. I was grateful that Paula’s mom hadn’t called to talk to her. Perhaps she would have known where Paula was. More likely she’d have wondered why I didn’t have the National Guard out searching for her. With that thought, I decided that I had waited long enough. It was time to call some people, even if I sounded foolish.

I decided to call the head nurse at the hospital that was also Paula’s close friend. "Omanez, this is LeRoy Walls. Could you tell me what shift Paula is working today?" I tried to sound non-chalant. "Well, LeRoy, she went to that Coronary Care seminar yesterday in St. Louis. They should be getting back around 8:00 tonight." Before Omanez could ask me why I was just starting to miss Paula, I thanked her and tried to conceal how surprised but pleased I was at this news!

This information brought to mind a hazy version of Paula telling me exactly what Omanez had just said. Since Paula was quite aware of my listening problem, she often left notes of her exact schedule, what food she had fixed, and other reminders before she left her three kids in the hands of an adult of such questionable concentration.

By Sunday evening the kids were all back home and had been calmly informed (as if Dad had known all along) of where their Mother had been for two days. This was to assure that when Paula arrived she was welcomed with more genuine affection and attention than usual. Of course my opening statement was, "How was the seminar?"

Unfortunately by the time Paula got to work on Monday, her friend Omanez had spread the word that I didn’t have a clue where Paula was and hadn’t missed her until the second day. Since Paula thought that was pretty close to reality, she has always enjoyed sharing this little episode at my expense.

And while I can’t say that this interesting incident corrected my listening problem, I can say that I haven’t lost or misplaced Paula a single time since then.

There are times we can’t avoid being so busy we seem to literally meet ourselves coming and going. It is now crystal clear to me that we may be the one that is permanently gone if we become so occupied or inattentive that it takes two days to miss our spouse!

At that particular time, Woodpro was in a period of high growth in sales, but also at another crisis in trying to survive financially. Since I couldn’t reduce my time at Woodpro, I did resign from a couple of boards and got out of leading one youth activity, giving myself more time with my family. As I was growing up my parents gave me all the time, love and support I needed. Despite busy schedules Paula and I have taken our role as parents seriously. We want to do our best and realize that we only get one chance to raise our kids right.

12/31/1999